How do I?

How do I get married...without my Momma there? Two months from today, I will marry the love of my life, and my Momma never even got to meet him.  He is loving and kind and mature and sweet, and she died two years before he even came into my life.  She would have loved him.

Throughout the wedding planning process, it was always at the back of my mind that I would be doing this without her.  All the stress, the freaking out, the moments where I was sure my wedding would be a tacky mess...she wasn't there.  She won't be there, because cancer took her from me.

On June 23, 2005, my 51-year-old mother died after a year-long battle with mesothelioma; cancer of the lining of the lung due to asbestos exposure.  How that came to pass is a story for another day.  I was 23 and my sister was 17.  Our father hasn't been in our lives since our parents divorced in 1995.  We were orphans.

One day, when I was convinced my wedding will be a disaster, something occurred to me.  My momma never let anything bad happen to me.  I haven't been in a single car accident since she died, despite some close calls (and only one motorcycle accident, which I walked away from with a skinned knee); I met the love of my life in the enormous sea of online dating; my fiancé and I found the house of our dreams after the price magically dropped.  She has always been there.  Why would my wedding be any different?  My momma will be there, making sure nothing goes wrong.

I'm including her in any way I can: her wedding picture (one without my dad in it), displaying her wedding gown, a donation to the American Cancer Society in her (and my fiancé's grandmother's) memory for favors. I know she'll be there.  I know I'll be thinking about her.

She'll be there.